Friday, April 22, 2011

Writing Challenge

To find out about this challenge, go HERE.
My Show Not Tell Challenge: In 300 words or less, write a passage (it can be an excerpt from your WIP, flash fiction, a poem, or any other writing) that shows (rather than tells) the following:
·                     you're scared and hungry
·                     it's dusk
·                     you think someone is following you
·                     and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance, and salt.


The beat of his heart pounded in his ears as he ran along the dark trail, limbs and vines reaching out, trying to tear the flesh from his body. His saccadic eyes scanning the images that blurred in front of him, making no meaning to his befuddled mind. The cold salty sweat trickles down his leathery face chilling him in the cool night. The trail opens into a green meadow; a lake shimmering from the white moonlight stands in the middle. Smells of lilies touch the young man’s nose, reminding him of home.
Stumbling. Back to his feet. He runs around the lake; his legs splashing through the wet grass. Reaching the far end of the meadow he glanced back and saw the trees sway, their dark branches reaching out toward him.
Lunging into the forest, again his legs falter and he falls to the hard earth. Blood trickles from his head down his face and drips to the ground below. Time stands still as he watches the small red droplet fall to the ground. How has it come to this? There is no substance in this?
A cool wind rustles the leaves overhead bringing the memories of the warm summer days he would lay with his beloved under the aspen trees. Her red lips touched his, so gently. Her warm hand brushed his face as she pushed his brown hair out of his face. The smell of roses spilt from her hair as it tickled his face. She looked up, past him into the forest that grew dark.
Slowly he rises and turns to face the darkness that only he can stop.

Word Count 273


  1. Great job here - I love that you were able to get across the immediacy of it without being in 1st person!

  2. Stunning, Josh. You did an awesome job of showing and not telling. I especially like this, 'Time stands still as he watches the small red droplet fall to the ground. How has it come to this? There is no substance in this?'

    Ellie Garratt

  3. Great writing! I love all the sensory details.

  4. You've made me very curious about what your hero is facing. Intriguing.

  5. Nicely done. It takes a lot of skill to concisely convey an idea without just out and saying it. Very nice.

  6. Great story!! Have a great weekend!

  7. Great story Josh... really gripping from the start and full of feeling. Lx
    P.S I wanna see a video of you feeding the snails(!)

  8. The blog is very good!

  9. Great challenge. Thanks for the follow.

  10. Nicely done Josh. I enjoyed the imagery you painted.

    Check out mine when you get a chance.

    Inspired by Lisa

  11. I like the atmosphere of the story. Great job!

  12. Hey Josh, great piece of showing :) I was right there with your MC - I particularly like the flashback to his love!



  13. Lots of tension and sensory description here. Well done!

  14. *WOW* There's speed in that little scene! Great!

    ... and isn't it intriguing, how different every one deals with the same specifications? :-)

    Karin @ Nofretiris Dream Of Writing

  15. Wow! Josh! This is wonderful. And the blog is the perfect setting to post it in. LOL! We all seem to be in the forest with our challenges.

  16. Rachael -thanks it was a great challenge.
    Nicole- Thanks it was fun to write
    Nofretri - I agree it always amazes me how many ideas come from one thing.
    Zan- Thanks for visiting. The forest can be such a lovely place and also very scary :)

  17. Nicely done - I liked the ending with him facing a darkness that only he can stop. :-)

  18. Love the mystery evoked in the last paragraph.


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